


The Fantasy of Memory

by Tora_Uran



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Hand Jobs, Howard loves Steve, Masturbation, Multi, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 14:10:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3899233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tora_Uran/pseuds/Tora_Uran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Howard knows he needs to let go of Steve Rogers but how does he let go of something he never had?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fantasy of Memory

“Who the hell is Eve?” the blond still under him snapped angrily. 

Howard Stark felt a mix of horror and relief at the question as he came down from his orgasm. There was no way he was going with the truth so instead he played dumb and responded with, “Isn’t that your name?”

The young woman was more of a spitfire than he had taken her for as that earned him a slap then a shove, as she began to go off on a colorful rant about what a cad he was as she dressed to leave. It was hardly anything new, outside of some creative wording here and there, so he zoned it out as he preoccupied himself with wondering if his still stinging cheek was going to bruise.

It was a small price to pay to keep his secret, well, secret. He thanked whatever took mercy on him and made sure he was misheard, as he had no way to play off calling out “Steve” in bed. Even if he had built a business empire he knew he could loose it if he was not careful. Especially since he already had a close call in the not so distant past. 

The door being slammed brought him out of his thoughts as he jumped at the sound. He shook his head before looking at the bed that was already feeling too empty for his comfort. But it was far too late to find someone else for the night and he had enough pride not to go begging for someone to return when they were only meant to be temporary in the first place.

This was one of the few times he was jealous of Jarvis. He not only got to be with the one he loved every day and night but that love was also returned. Howard would never tell his butler that for many reasons, with that he would never hear the end of it for starters.

It was bad enough he was nagged about trying to find someone to settle down with, or at least care about for more than their body. But that was how Howard fell for Steve Rogers in the first place. Sure looks played a part of it, he had a pair of working eyes after all. But that was lust. Love, that was seeing that Steve’s heart was easily the most beautiful part of him. He could not count the times he was amazed that despite fighting in a bloody war Steve still kept his compassion for everyone well intact. It made him want to be a better person so he could be worthy to even look at the man. Losing him tore a hole in Howard’s heart that he really was only now starting to patch up.

Peggy had told him to let him go and Howard understood that he needed to. And in some ways he had, but there was still a ghost that hung onto him that he could not quite shake. It haunted him about all the things that never were and would most likely never be even if Steve were still around.

There were so many people that had the right to Steve before him but he still could not ignore his own desires for the man. For wanting to have him and also be Steve’s in all the ways he possibly could be.

His company long gone by now, Howard unashamedly decided to play out his fantasy to he pleasure himself. There was still plenty of hours of the night to burn away and sleep would mean he would most likely just end up dreaming about the same things he was going to fantasize about anyway.

He pulled out the small jar of Vaseline jelly he kept in the drawer of the bed table, thankful with his various kinks it was never questioned why it was there. After opening the jar he slicked a couple of fingers with the lube then spread his legs to better reach his asshole. 

He closed his eyes to lose himself in fantasy as he rubbed his hole in preparation. It took no time for him to envision Steve in his mind. Like always though he was lost in his blue eyes at first. He pictured that tall muscular frame on top of him and those kissable lips against his own. He wondered briefly if Steve would complain about how his mustache tickled like some of the other people he took to bed did.

He finally pushed a slick finger inside himself while imagining it being Steve preparing him. A smile crossed his lips, as he knew he was one of the few that could personally contest about how well endowed Captain America was. Though not in the way he really wanted to, but being close enough to the man and having to make due with little privacy on the field he had gotten some good looks in at least. 

Back to his fantasy he inserted another finger to truly start stretching himself to take Steve. He would need to add another finger for that but it had been so long since he did this and longer still to have actually slept with another man. So he focused on slowly stretching himself out with just the two digits, giving his prostrate a couple of rubs just to tease himself as he could picture Steve doing to him. 

Too many pictured Steve Rogers a saint to even think that he had a bit of a mischievous side to him. Howard knew better of course. The way Steve smirked whenever he had something devious in mind came easily to him. It made him a terrible poker player but no one seemed to mind it. And Howard had come to find it endearing. 

Finally he worked a third digit inside himself. It may have been a poor substitute for the real thing but with how tight he was it made pretending that he was being taken by Steve that much easier. He rocked his hips in time with the small thrusts he could do with his fingers as he imagined being fucked by his friend. 

His fingers moving inside of him, brushing his prostrate from time to time, he used his other hand to take hold of his cock. It was already hard again and it had begun leaking precum. He began to pump it, spreading the precum across it.

He was moaning Steve’s name loudly as he came for the second time that night. This one more intense than his first with his mind completely focused on his true desire. His cum spurting out to land on his chest then leave a trail with the following weakening spurts to lead down to his sensitive member.

When he came down from his moment of bliss he got himself up and off the bed to finally head to the bathroom to clean off. His body may have felt sated but there was still an ache in his heart, as he had to face reality once more. He never had Steve and never could. The best he would ever have would be nothing more than fleeting dreams. 

Howard sighed deeply. Anyone willing to have and hold him for the rest of their life would have to be either a saint or a masochist. Because while he was ready to move on from the man, it was going to be a long wait for him to let the fantasy of Steve Rogers go.

**Author's Note:**

> Finally finished something not Clint/Pietro. And this is just in time to celebrate Agent Carter getting a second season.


End file.
